And you can’t bring me down…
Catharsis, or some attempt at it.
I’ve discovered – decided – that you can only reach out to someone so many times. That sometimes dignity and self-respect must take priority over friendship. Even 12 year friendships that you can’t imagine no longer being there. I’m fairly sure the saying isn’t “Four strikes, you’re out!” Hell, sometimes three is too many.
It’s hard letting go when you don’t want to. It’s even harder to forgive someone who hasn’t actually asked for your forgiveness, who hasn’t admitted to any wrong doing. What’s it like to live a life where everything you do is 100% justified? Must be nice…
It’s so incredibly frustrating when all you want to hear is “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.” It doesn’t have to be dramatic or self-flagellating. Just a simple, “Yeah, that was completely shitty of me.” And yet, you know it won’t come.
They say people come into your lives for a reason. I believe that. But I also believe that sometimes things change so drastically that you can’t even see it. Like suddenly walking out into the bright sunlight from a pitch black cave. How did that happen? Why didn’t I notice that brightness, that change, in the distance?
But by then it’s too late. Not only are you wincing in pain from the light, but the cave has collapsed behind you. No going back.
I am willing to admit to my faults, as difficult as it may be.
I am willing to apologize, and reach out, despite my simmering anger.
I will breathe through it, because it is worth the effort.
Eventually even shouting into a canyon loses its appeal.
One can only listen to their own voice echo for so long, after all.
Too long I’ve been afraid of
Losing love I guess I’ve lost
Well, if that’s love
It comes at much too high a cost!
– Defying Gravity