I find myself drifting a little too close to a hole that looks a little too familiar.

It’s been almost 2 years since Mel and I broke up (oh my god, where the hell does the time go?) and it’s only now that I’m truly starting to feel lonely, or worse yet, alone.

It’s not that I’m missing that particular relationship, or that particular girl, but I’m missing something. I don’t know if it’s friends or the past in general, fun, connection, or what. But tonight, for whatever reason I’m really rather sad, in a way that I haven’t felt for a very long time.

I’m not sure what I can do about it, really. I mean, I’ve put profiles on dating sites, tried to keep an open mind about who I want to date — but really does my open mind matter if no one wants to date me?

And really it’s not just about dating, if I’m going to be honest. I feel like my friendships are weakening. Not for any reason beyond the fact that I have nothing good to share with people (Went to training today. Spoke french. Came home. Ate. Slept. Lather, rinse, repeat.) and I just don’t see most of my friends that often.

Which leaves me alone, which is fine 90% of the time, but it also sends me spiraling into anti-social patterns and behaviours, which leaves me alone more, and it’s really a chicken and egg kind of phenomenon.

I look online every day at ottawaevents.org to check for things that I can do alone that may also introduce me to new people, but it’s slim pickings.

Blah. Hopefully tomorrow I’ll be past this.

This entry was posted on Thursday, January 11th, 2007 at 6:38 pm and is filed under Navel Gazing. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.