I’ve been spending the weekend in Toronto visiting my beautiful girlfriend (don’t you hate it when blggers gush over their significant others just a little too much?). It’s been a quiet weekend, we’ve done a lot of walking around the city [both downtown and the sauga].

I managed to a ride down here from a friend of mine from french class, which kicks ass. Driving to this city always makes me somewhat – meancholy is maybe the right word, I don’t know. It’s just different, it’s like you’re right in the heart of the city, one of the many stories, one of the many beacons of energy. Being on the train is very removed from the lifeblood of a city, you’re removed, you see nothing, you just arrive. (Although the train is very good for making you feel like you’re *travelling*, makes you think).

And of course I feel like I’m always looking over my shoulder in this city, looking for her, wondering where she is. Hoping all is well with her.

I need to make some changes in my life – changes in my behaviours. I’m not quite sure how to go about it. Coping mechanisms and bad habits (to be generous) are hard to change, particularly when they’re so ingrained and you’re not 100% sure about changing them.

I’m going to be 26 soon. It’s more than time to grow up and stop doing things that were stupid or even understandable when I was 16. I think that I’ve been clinging to an idea of extended adolescence. I didn’t really act out or do silly things or party all that much when I was younger. I think I do too much of it now to make up for that. That needs to change. It’s ok to have fun, but there’s no need to overdo it.

It’s also time to stop being so timid at work. I have a conference to attend tomorrow, and I’m sitting here worried because I have to go late, after it’s started. Worried about questions they might ask me. I need to have confidence in my abilities and skills and the fact that I deserve to be there.

I need to learn to deal with my anger and oversensitivity if I don’t want to drive my relationship off the rails. Either write about it more, buy a punching bag or just stop blowing up.

Things need to change.

As a balm for my soul, I tried to add highlights to my hair last night with an Herbal Essences home dying kit. I should have followed my gut instinct to avoid home highlighting kits at all costs. I have tried them before — they do not like me. But whatever, it was $10, I asked myself “how bad could it end up, really?” Bad, my friends. Very, very bad.

I ended up with this orangey, bleach job gone wrong, skunk effect. The highlighting took (sometimes too well) in the first inch or two near my roots, and in the rest of my hair you see nothing. It looked untouched by hair dye completely. Keep in mind I have really dark brown hair (sometimes mistaken for black), so it look really terrible.

Being sunday night at 6:40 I began to panic. Would the drug store be open? I had to fix this, either that or find a really cool hat. I don’t think I’ve ever moved faster to get myself out of thata apartment. I lucked out – thank god Shopper’s rarely keep regular hours. I came away with some dark red hair dye that’s supposed to “be visible on even the darkest hair” (and sour cream and onion chips). Don’t ask me what I was thinking. I should have just went with the black dye that I had originally gone there to get. Whatever. I’m stupid. Of course the red is flashy/almost pink in the previously orangey skunk areas, and the rest of my hair, well, if you squint the right way under florescent lighting, you might see some red tinge. It was certainly an improvement, but not great. Or so I thought. Everyone here at work seems to love it. Think it looks fantastic.

So I guess I’ll keep it. For now.